Building Your Support Team

We each need a crew of “Supporters” for good times and bad. You need a small group of folks who will support you, no matter what. When you experience joys, your they are genuinely happy for you. When you make a mistake, they set-you-straight in gentleness. They are your counselors and confidants. You need people in your life who will allow you to figure out who we are, without trying to change you. They help you stay the course. Supporters are there for you when you need them.

One of the mistakes I made along the way has been choosing the wrong people to confide in, rely on and trust, especially during times of distress. When you are sad, down and feeling worthless, nothing is worse than turning to the wrong person for help. It’s important that you weigh carefully who you will depend on for advice and counsel. People who make poor Supporters exhibit the following types of characteristics:

• Inconsistency: An inconsistent person can never support you in the way that you need because he or she lacks integrity to follow through with everyday life.
• Irresponsibility: An irresponsible person will never offer you the bracing you need when the storms of life come beating at your door. Find Supporters who who take care of themselves and keeps their word.
• Dishonesty: A dishonest person cannot be trusted, and will obviously not make the team. You want to find a person who will be honest with you, and not be afraid to share the truth.
• Jealous: Not everyone in the world is out for your good. There are some people that may be envious of you for whatever reason. Don’t turn to a jealous person in your time of need. A person with jealous spirit cannot provide you with non-biased advice and their counsel may actually do you harm.
• Discouraging: One of the most important characteristics of a good Supporter is to be Encouraging, afterall, that’s what you need the most. You want to make sure your Supporter has a positive attitude about life; your Supporter MUST believe in you and your dreams.
• Gossiper: It’s important that your Supporter be loving toward others, and not prone to vial gossip. You know if someone is gossiping to you, it won’t be long before they’re gossiping about you. Steer clear of those prone to gossip and slander of others, even under the guise of “prayer.”
• Selfish: A selfish person is a terrible confidant, because he or she will never listen to you. Selfish people are only concerned about what they receive and not interested in helping others along the way. Steer clear of selfish and self-centered people when building your Supporting Team.
• Negative: Negative people cannot encourage you the way you need to be encouraged. If you go to them with a problem, they may tell you the worst case scenerio, and not look at the situation objectively. Find positive, optimistic people on which you can rely.
• Flakey: Flakey people make it a habit to say they’re going to do something, but not following through. These are people that tell you they’re coming to your house on Saturday, but then call Saturday morning and say they’ve changed their mind. If someone displays flakey behavior, don’t trust their counsel for the issues of your life.
• Disrespectful: Some people will be disrespectful to others. If someone treats others badly, certainly steer clear of that person for future advice. It won’t be long until that person does the same thing to you. Don’t confide in people that don’t respect you either–treat them as acquaintances only. Find someone who respects you and regards you as a valuable human being.
• Unhealthy: People who are emotionally unhealthy do things that don’t seem quite right. Perhaps they say things that are not in line with their actions, they are addicts, or they treat others badly. If a person is unhealthy, do not seek advice from that person–or you will be hurt. Unhealthy people hurt others because they themselves are hurting. It’s healthy to remove yourself from unhealthy people and relationships when you’re seeking love and support.
• Preoccupied: People who are preoccupied are not present with you, and you can feel it. Perhaps they are too busy, or too interested in their own lives–whatever the reason, a pre-occupied person will not take the time to really hear from you, listen to you and ultimately care about you. Keep preoccupied people at arms length, especially when you’re seeking love and support.
• Needy: There are people in the world who are needy, and you should do what you can to Support them, but not look to the needy person as your confidant and Supporter. A needy person is someone with a plethra of unmet needs that have yet to be dealt with internally. A needy person is not whole. You can’t expect someone who is not complete to have anything extra to give to you for support.
• Self-Seeking: Some people may seem to like you, but really have an agenda. When someone has an Agenda, he or she is seeking to be around you to fulfill some other purpose that’s not for your good. Maybe you are well connected, maybe they have a crush on your brother, no matter what–do not rely on people who have an agenda and are not out for your good. They will use you like toilet paper–FLUSH.
• Fake: Fake friends are deceiving. There may be people in your life who act like friends, look like friends, walk like friends and talk like friends, but in reality are NOT YOUR FRIENDS. A true friend will prove themself over time. Be careful in believing that someone is a friend, and worthy of your trust before time has elapsed. A friend shows his or her reliability and trustworthiness in time.

Good Friend & Supporter Qualities

• Keeps his or her word.
• Listens to what you have to say.
• Takes time for you to share.
• Respects your opinion and decisions.
• Respects you as a person.
• Values your presence.
• Offers feedback, and is responsive to you.
• Is consistently there for you to offer support.
• Spends quality time with you
• Prefers you to himself or herself in action.
• Builds you up with encouragement.
• Helps you come to your own conclusions.
• Is generous with his or her resources, doesn’t hoard knowledge, etc…
• Prays for you and points you in the right direction.
• Seems “present” during conversations
• Follows-through with word.
• Is happy when you’re happy.
• Cares when you are hurting.
• Offers to help you whenever you really need it.
• Takes up for you if other people attack you.
• Keeps his or her promises.
• Tries to understand you.
• Waits for you if you’re running behind.
• Sticks with you, even if it’s more comfortable to leave you in a bind.
• Is serious about your friendship.

Your Supporters must be strong people, healthy people, reliable and consistent. They are genuinely concerned for your well-being and communicate with you in an honest and sincere way. It’s not always who you would think. Some of the best Supporters are parents, but many times our parents are the worst people to turn to, depending upon their emotional health and internal strength. Your Support System may consist of a pastor, a teacher, a friend, a neighbor, a counselor, a relative–the options are endless. The important thing is to seek out those who care about you and rally them to help you in your life. Go to them for moral support when you’re making major decisions, or feeling down. Share your life with them.